In our day God is using the spiritual discipline of solitude as the great liberator…It liberates us from the ever-present demands that are put upon us; demands that in the moment feel so urgent and pressing but that in reality have no lasting significance…Increasingly we come to see things in the light of eternity, and as a result, successes and failures no longer impress us or oppress us…In times of solitude we become enveloped in God’s very presence. (R Foster).
Solitude was always going to be the most challenging discipline to train in whilst being a full-time mother of a 2-year old wild child. I can’t even go to the loo on my own most days without being accompanied by Sol and a handful of toys…
My challenge this month was to figure out how to practice solitude despite almost always being with another person, and to spend a retreat day in as much solitude as possible.
Early on in the month, the idea came to mind of practicing solitude with God being like having a private conversation in a public place. We’ve all been in the situation where we are having a private chat with someone whilst surrounded by others: people often interrupt, and as they do, our attention is given to them whilst maintaining our involvement/ presence/ mindfulness of the private conversation. As soon as the ‘interruption’ has gone, we immediately return to our conversation and continue where we left off. Despite being surrounded by people and things happening, we can engage with someone in a way that is private and focussed on them alone.
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think inner solitude requires the absence of people – it certainly helps, but there are ways of cultivating inner solitude despite it. Whilst working in the West End, I used to sit in a cafe on my nights off, with my journal or other work, or sometimes with no other prop; although I was surrounded by a mob of people, I was very much able to enter into a place of inner solitude.
Growing in solitude in the middle of daily life has, for me, been about learning to get back to the private conversation more quickly.
Trying to seize moments of actual prayerful solitude, when the moment arises, has been challenging to prioritise. The short amount of ‘nap time’ when I am on my own during the day, can often be used for jobs, emails or even just reading. It’s been hard to prioritise being still and silent in solitude when the house is screaming for help around me. When there are less tangible and obvious wins from it, I am often drawn to spend that time doing other things. I have found, however, that more regular times of leisurely solitude have been helpful in the mix of more focused and ‘prayerful’ times of solitude.
On retreat for the day, I drove to what was essentially a modern-day hut. I sat with my journal and Bible, with no music and no phone signal. There I aimed to practice actual solitude. The first hour and a half was good – a mixture of sitting, jotting notes of things I felt God saying or my own thoughts…by two hours in, I was beginning to struggle. I struggled to maintain a focus in prayer, realising how distracted and full of motion my inner world is. I realised how much tension my body holds and how, instead of sitting trustingly before God with my questions, I wrestle and search hard for answers.
I also realised how much I enjoy being on my own with God in prayer, and that I actually need extended time alone to think clearly. The experience made me realise that I need to regularly incorporate times of specific, set aside solitude more often in my life – and in smaller ways, in my days; this is certainly a discipline to ‘train’ in.
After four hours I emerged from the hut with a new-found respect for hermits and a recognition that my ability to wait before God with out props, people or noise had been challenged. But the experience of being in complete solitude and silence enabled me to experience a deeper peace and contentedness in not having all the answers or all my problems solved. I didn’t have any firework encounter or any quantifiable ‘result’ from my time, but my inner disposition had shifted to a place of simpler stillness, and I felt prepared and more able to re-engage with all that life requires with a stronger awareness of God’s presence with me.
‘There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God’ (C.H. Spurgeon).
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