Fasting: a time when we set aside normal functions of life in order to concentrate (R Foster).
Fasting seems to be one of the spiritual discipines whereby it is most challenging for the discipline itself not to become the focus. We know that the disciplines are a means to an end – a way to quite literally ‘practice’ our faith. And it seems to be common experience that the practicalities of fasting – the hows and whats and whens and how long fors – can be a huge hurdle to leap over.
In aiming to practice fasting as a means of listening to and awareness of God, I chose a regular rhythm which was manageable, regular, often and maintainable – I planned my fasting. Rather than aiming to achieve the fasting ‘goal’, it was about maintaining a focus on fasting throughout the month in a less ‘extreme’ and more regular and rhythmic way. The idea was to train rather than to accomplish.
Early on in the month, on a non-fasting day as I sat to share a meal with friends, one of them prayed simply that the food we were about to eat would serve as a reminder that the things we put inside affect who are are outside. It felt like a mental marker as to what I was trying to do – use the absence of food to become more present to what was going on in me, and create space for God to speak.
Psalm 40 v 6 was a verse that came to mind during the month: ‘In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted, but you have given me an open ear‘ – quite literally, ‘ears you have dug for me’. Fasting, for me, was a way of joining in the digging – and a reminder that it is not the fasting itself that God delights in, but the listening that comes from it.
One consistent challenge of fasting I experienced was the battle to ignore the excuses I was giving myself to not fast. I don’t think I experienced a fast day without them. From having to do a long drive, to having a toddler, to not having slept well last night, to feeling cold…I came up with endless reasons why I should exempt myself from the fast. It made me realise how unwilling I am to suffer, how quick I am to find an easier route and how keen I am to avoid discomfort.
We know that challenge, suffering, and discomfort are part of following Jesus; He tells us to pick up our cross, not our comfort blanket. But even in a small challenge like my fasting, I so quickly avoid anything that isn’t easy. A part of fasting quickly became a way of training myself to choose discomfort and suffering for the sake of greater awareness of God.
I found that fasting intensifies everything – and I felt tired at the end of the month. But on certain key issues I was praying through I came out the other side feeling like God had dug out a lot of my confusion and given me a much greater sense of clarity.
Digging ears…greater awareness…no more excuses…seeing more clearly. Worth the absence of a meal or two I’d say.
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