The first gift Solomon ever gave me was a dead leaf off the floor.
He had just begun to walk, and whilst we were out one day, he spotted this particular leaf, stooped down, and swiped it up in his little hand. Instead of throwing it or trying to eat it, he looked up at me, lifted his hand, opened his fist and offered me this scrumpled dead leaf. Of all the gifts I have been given, that is one I will never forget.
Since then, Solomon has given me lots of gifts: lots more leaves and petals, stones, sand, scrambled egg from under his highchair, pegs, drops of milk…
Every now and then, he will come running over, eager to give me whatever he has in his hands – as I wait with my hands open, he will carefully place his offering with index finger and thumb in my palms – and sometimes, whether he lost it en route or never had it in the first place, there will be nothing there at all.
In a way, I like it the best when he actually has nothing in his hand. He is still convinced he has given me something wonderful, and I still react as though he has, thanking him and telling him how kind he is. The gift itself doesn’t really matter, but the fact that he is giving it to me really does.
This occasional moment has really helped me understand a bit more of how God reacts when we give him things – our efforts, our time, our energy, our attention, our stuff, our hearts etc. Although they may not amount to much – or even anything at all – He is still delighted with whatever we have to bring.
Therese of Lisieux puts it brilliantly:
It is recognising one’s nothingness, expecting everything from the good God, just as a little child expects everything from its father; it is not getting anxious about anything, not trying to make one’s fortune…being little is also not attributing to oneself the virtues that one practices, as if one believed oneself capable of achieving something, but recognising that the good God puts this treasure into the hands of his little child for it to make use of it whenever it needs to; but it is always the good God’s treasure. Finally it is never being disheartened by one’s faults, because children often fall, but they are too little to do themselves much harm’.
Wouldn’t it be good if we could understand more that God is pleased with us regardless of what we bring to Him. I’m not sure Solomon struggles with feelings of incompetency and inadequacy just yet – he is just free and content in the knowledge that he is little and I am big. May we not become disheartened with our dead leaf gifts – may we remember that they fall into open and delighted hands.
Photo:Carmen Jost
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